Not Funny
by Felinephoenix
Summary: Why May keeps asking why he did it, Normie Osborn finds out the best way to answer a friend turned enemy turned friend's awkward questions is with really bad jokes. Spider-Girl.


**Author's Note:** Another Spider-Girl fic, again for the tattoos challenge at marvel-100 on livejournal. Just a short friendship fic about Mayday and Normie. It does deal with suicide a little bit, so be warned. I hope you like it!

**Not Funny**

Normie had noticed she was staring at something while he worked on her glider, but when he figured out what it was, it was too late. She'd grabbed his arm and he knew, from experience, that she wasn't going to let go anytime soon.

"What is this?" May asked, touching his scar. "This isn't a tattoo."

"Mayday, can you please let go? I'm kind of holding a sharp, pointy thing here and I'd kind of feel bad if I stabbed you with it on accident."

"That's not what you were saying last month," she deadpanned. "I'm serious. Tell me what this is."

He tried, and failed, to free his arm. "It's nothing, okay? Just-"

"You have two of them!" She'd seized both his hands now, causing him to drop his sharp pointy thing. "Why do you have... two..."

She'd put two and two together. He could tell because she let go of his arms. Which he was grateful for, since being gripped by someone with spider-strength was just a little bit painful. "I told you," he said, picking up his pointy thing, "I tried to- before I ever tried to kill you, I- I told you that."

"You didn't tell me how," she said, hugging her knees to her chest. "Or why."

"Why? Come on, didn't you know slitting your wrists is the way to commit suicide? All the cool kids are doing it."

"That wasn't funny," she scowled. "And I thought all the cool kids were taking pills."

"Yeah, well, I was allergic to the pills- which is a funny story, but it's also really embarrassing, so I'm going to stop talking about it and shut up right now."

"I hate when I can't tell if you're joking or telling the truth."

"Now you know how I felt when we fought, Miss I Make Jokes While I Punch People in the Face."

"You're just jealous I have the better punchli- wait, how is that the same thing? Just 'cause I joked about it doesn't mean I didn't want to punch you in the face. Probably 'cause of that threatening to kill my family thing."

"You think I'm lying?" He didn't know it, but he looked hurt. "There really was a funny- and embarrassing- side effect with the pills."

"Oh yeah?" She was smiling again. Sure, it was a little faked, but at least it was a smile. "What kind of side effect?"

"Something really... see, when I say embarrassing, that means I'm not telling you! Okay?"

"Spoilsport. You still didn't answer my other question."

"What other question?" Normie turned his back to her, going back to poking at the glider with his sharp pointy thing.

"Why'd you do it?"

"I..." he turned to look at her, and as soon as he did, she regretted asking. He couldn't look more like she'd punched him in the gut than he would if she really had punched him in the gut. "I don't feel like talking about it, okay? I told you some of it, anyway. I couldn't live up to my grandfather's exceptions. I couldn't kill you or your parents. And... look, maybe later I'll tell you. If you still want to hear about it. I'm just not ready right now."

"Okay," she sighed, leaning back in the chair. "Can I ask you something else, then?"

"Sure."

"Did it hurt when you got those tattoos?"

"Like you would not believe. The ones on my arms were bad enough, but the other ones... I can't even laser them, it'd hurt as much as getting them in the first place. Not to mention it'd be really expensive."

"Oh, like you have to worry about cash. You're an Osborn," she rolled her eyes. "Wait. You have other tats? Where?!"

"Not there, if that's what you're thinking," he said, rolling his eyes back at her. "They're on my chest."

"Can I see them?" May smiled again. For real this time.

"No, they'd just depress you. Trust me."

"Oh, come on, what's so bad about them? Is the long list of your ladyloves all misspelled and scratched out or something? Was the coloring really bad? Is it something really girly, like..."

"It's not any of those." Normie muttered. "By the way, lady loves, what? No, there's- there's a whole murder theme. You really don't want to see it. Although I think the coloring was really nice done, which it better have been considering how much I paid for it, but..." he shrugged.

"Oh. Well, that's okay. I guess I can live without seeing you shirtless."

"...Yeah, I was about to say there's also the fact that your father would kill me if he even suspected I did anything involving you, me, and a loss of clothes."

She snickered. "He's also going to kill you for all these secret afternoons spent with his precious daughter, so really, why should that stop you?"

"Now, see that-" he bit back a grin and waved his pointy sharp thing in a disapproving manner. "That was not funny."


End file.
